Taking the Plunge

[fringey]

So, out of curiousity, how many peple have actually emailed someone they saw online here?

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived.

[maise_PREV (deleted)]

Well, I have emailed someone I was already acquainted with from a different site. Does that count?

I still haven't qutie plucked up the courage to take that deep breath, hold my nose and take the plunge.

[thenighthawk_PREV (deleted)]

I haven't found anyone close enough to me who is eligible to email. Everyone's either too young or too old.

[fringey]

maise wrote: Well, I have emailed someone I was already acquainted with from a different site. Does that count?

I still haven't qutie plucked up the courage to take that deep breath, hold my nose and take the plunge.



No, it doesn't count. At least you haven't ruled out trying, and that is a start.

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived.

[fringey]

thenighthawk wrote: I haven't found anyone close enough to me who is eligible to email. Everyone's either too young or too old.



Yeah, distance seems to be the major holdup. That and the fact that so many people don't put up pictures of themselves. I prefer to see what someone looks like before I email them.

Too cynical, I guess, but I tend to think people are afraid that people won't like the way they look, so don't put up pics. While not being deceptive, it does tend to make me think someone has self-image issues and has a poor opinion of themselves. It may not be true, but it does bother me since I have had so many problem with my own self image in the past that I fought to get past. I don't want to have to try and make someone feel good about themselves before a relationship can happen. Me, I am brutally honest about myself, so no worries about putting up pics. They will either like me for who I am or not. A pic isn't going to make a difference one way or the other.

Of course, I do understand the women who don't want to put up a pic for fear of being constantly preyed on by the cruisers too. This is why online singles sites can be so frustrating. You can never be 100% positive that someone is sincere in their profile. That is why I sometimes wish that someone would contact me first, instead of the other way around. But, since that isn't realistic, I will take the plunge when necessary.

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived.

[iswallowedabug (deleted)]

fringey wrote: Yeah, distance seems to be the major holdup. That and the fact that so many people don't put up pictures of themselves. I prefer to see what someone looks like before I email them.

I'm the opposite. I don't want to know what anyone here looks like.
If there were an option to block photos I would use it. People rarely
look in reality like what they look like in photos, and even if they
did, getting to know someone is often hindered by appearance. We
all have so many unintentional biases that can interfere with
interaction.

fringey wrote: Too cynical, I guess, but I tend to think people are afraid that people won't like the way they look, so don't put up pics. While not being deceptive, it does tend to make me think someone has self-image issues and has a poor opinion of themselves.

Okay, I'm not trying to pick a fight with you (so don't infer that
just because we are disagreeing in another thread), but there
are other things you may not have considered as well. You do
go on to mention a real concern for many women -- safety.
The number of women who have been stalked is frighteningly
high, and security experts tend to advise not posting pictures.

But there are lots of valid reasons that have nothing to do with
self-image or body image or threats to personal safety. People have
been fired from their jobs for blogs they write in their own time even
when the content has nothing to do with the company they work for.
People may be concerned about their jobs/careers, and so prefer
anonymity.

I'm not saying you are shallow for posting a picture, but I just feel
it's kind of weird to think a picture would be important or have
anything to do with whether or not someone is worth getting to know.

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is
invisible to the eye." -- the fox in "The Little Prince"

And I could go on and on listing other valid reasons.

fringey wrote: A pic isn't going to make a difference one way or the other.

Aren't you contradicting yourself now?

[fringey]

Bug, I did mention the fact that some women may not want to put up pics due to fear of being preyed on by cruisers, as you said. I should have gone further in mentioning stalkers, and I didn't, but that was in my thoughts when I mentioned cruisers.

As for the last thing, I am not contrdicting myself. I was talking about my own personal felings about putting up a pic of ME. As I stated early on in the post, I KNOW I am too cynical and my feelings as to why someone may not post a pic may not be valid ones for everyone. Thanks for the additional input.

My personal feelings are that I want to be able to put a face to the person I am talking to. Other wise, I might as well be talking to a computer generated person. However, if I find someone interesting enough, I will contact them, whether they have a pic or not. Distance is a far bigger blockade than anything else. There are a few people here I would contact were they closer to where I live. I have doen the long-distance thing before and it just doesn't work. Especially with someone you meet online. You really don't get to know someone until you can spend some time with them. That is why I love the forums here, because they do give you a little more insight into a person than just the profile does. I wish more people would post to them. It is not perfect, but it does help. Chat and IM are good, but since I am rarely on away from work, for me it is not an option usually.



Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived.

[rayman]

I also think distance is a big hurdle when it comes to potential relationships working online. The most common story I read and heard is that after months of chatting online that person met someone else in their own neighborhood/City. So they give you the "let's be friends" speech. When it comes to photos I mean it does help, but you can have the greatest personality in the world but when you meet that person face-to-face and they don't pass the physical attraction test he/she is out. As for the whole stalker issue that can happen in other scenarios, ex-boyfriends, a stranger following you home in his car, a guy you only only had two dates with after you gave him your phone number at a supermarket. It doesn't only happen online, although I'm sure there are horror stories of men being stalked by women. Commonsense and gut feelings works wonders if people would use it more.

I feel you have to take a few risks in life instead of fearing what might be the consequences later.

[fringey]

rayman wrote: I also think distance is a big hurdle when it comes to potential relationships working online. The most common story I read and heard is that after months of chatting online that person met someone else in their own neighborhood/City. So they give you the "let's be friends" speech. When it comes to photos I mean it does help, but you can have the greatest personality in the world but when you meet that person face-to-face and they don't pass the physical attraction test he/she is out. As for the whole stalker issue that can happen in other scenarios, ex-boyfriends, a stranger following you home in his car, a guy you only only had two dates with after you gave him your phone number at a supermarket. It doesn't only happen online, although I'm sure there are horror stories of men being stalked by women. Commonsense and gut feelings works wonders if people would use it more.

I feel you have to take a few risks in life instead of fearing what might be the consequences later.





I am one of those stories, Rayman. Met online, chatted, even talked on the phone. When we met,t here were no fireworks for her Shame for me, cause I WAS attracted. Oh well. And I did do one long distance relationship with someone I met on KISSonline. That didn't turn out well in the end, so I am a little shy of messing with that again.

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived.

[beccagrey26]

`I email tons of people, never meet, but add a few on facebook and ended up being friends with them. I am new to the whole dating online, as far as the pictures my computer seem to not let me add any pictures to this sit so if people want to see and know me, I will welcome anyone to my facebook page. I really don't mind the whole long distance relationship it work for my sister and she been married for 17 years or so, of course they meet in high school but we moved a lot I am looking forward to dating well someone my own age and making new friends is even better :)