Leap of Faith

[lucifer666 (deleted)]

Maybe you should have roughed her about a bit ....... perhaps thats why she left you NinjaBear ....how does the saying go again....oh yeah treat them mean and keep them keen. Lots of women appreciate the more aggressive man, a guy who is not afraid to tell her I want it and I want it right now lol...... perhaps you were too much the gentleman when she really needed the type of fella who showed her what she really wanted ....a good hellish and harsh going over. I hate to say it but the night you referred to that she said 'I don't feel like it tonight' and you responded thats okay lets have a snack' she probably saw as a rejection, she more than likely had in her head that you didn't find her sexy cause had you found her so she would have been shown you don't take no for an answer, and her head shoved down to the family jewelies. Being the gentleman is all fine and good bud but where has it got you going mad for a woman who doesn't even appreciate it and at home with your own tool in your hand doing some DIY.
She was obviously under the impression that you were well skilled in martial arts of some kind and wanted some of those karate chops or flips or perhaps she wanted to be beaten by that black belt of yours......or a few close shaves with your ninja stars as she appears to love sharp objects. Okay you have loved and now have lost but what have you learned my friend .... a woman doesn't always tell you what they really want or need and that the politically correct response is not always the right one ...in other words when your woman says no you tell her to shut up and suck!!!!

[twincarb]

A bit harsh,lucifer i tend to agree with the bear more than you for the simple reason thar i have TRIED both approaches to women and a middle ground seems to work better. Push but not too hard but allways accept no as no, especially after a little persuasion gets rebuffed.
Some ladies may like to be dominated but most know just what they want or don't want.

[ninjabear]

You're both right. Example:

"I finally meet a guy who opens doors for me, holds my chair, treats me like a lady and I'm like, 'wuss!' What a mama's boy! Why don't you run back to mama, and send back someone who will treat me like [bleep]!"
stand-up philosopher Tracy Smith

Too many women say the want a nice guy but they run after the bad boy, the eye candy! She's always surprised when he spends all her money, screws all her friends, wrecks her car, then dumps her for someone he met while waiting for a chair at Supercuts!

Now that prettyboy has broken her heart, where does she turn?
MR. NICE GUY!
Yes the "friend" who is always there for her, the shoulder to cry on, the one she'd never consider for a relationship, even though Nice is exactly what she said she wants...but stability ain't sexy.

After all his kind and caring loving support and attention, know what Mr. Nice Guy gets for his trouble? He gets to watch her chase after the next piece of eye candy that comes along!

You know if I were dumb enough to stick my tongue in a light socket, that would be it; I sure as hell would not keep doing it!

As for your advice, Lucifer666?
I can only be what I am; not a cad, not a jerk...just a nice bear.
Better that, than to risk a retroactive 'no'.

[valarules (deleted)]

It's true that girls like a badboy, but all of us aren't like that. Sure it's nice to dream about the motorcycle, the leather jacket, the smoking, and all that jazz...but when we actually get the badboy the dream turns into a nightmare. There are lots of girls out there who think that the so called "badboy" is someone who just refuses to suck it up and grow up. We might not be the majority, but we're out there. We stick with the gentlemen's of the species. The ones who actually get us and don't want us to change who we are and like us just the way we are. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I think that the "Prince Charmings" of the world are still out there and us girls just have to open our eyes a bit wider and look a bit harder to find them.

[ninjabear]

They're called bad boys for a simple reason: they are pretty enough to get away with any sort of behavior, so they never grew up.

Women say they want a dangerous man who is also sweet, kind and sensitive---they want it all, and can't understand why such a man does not exist.

Simple: you can't make a knife out of yarn.
You can try to glue pretty pink lace to a hand grenade, but it will still blow up in your face.

There are Men who can be tough and sweet, like hard candy---I'm one of them---but you should never send a boy to do a man's job.

[ninjabear]

I grew up with three sisters and I have three adorable nieces; all this first hand experience and the one thing I understand for sure, I learned from Star Trek when I was a child.

"Mr. Spock, the women on your planet are logical. Yours is the only planet in the galaxy that can make that claim."
James T. Kirk, from the episode "Elaan of Troyus"

[valarules (deleted)]

ninjabear wrote:
Women say they want a dangerous man who is also sweet, kind and sensitive---they want it all, and can't understand why such a man does not exist....There are Men who can be tough and sweet, like hard candy....

That's true, but there are women out there who do want that (some one who's like a big teddy bear but still tough)...I'm one of them and it may be a fool's dream, but we're out there. I get why there isn't a guy like that out there, but it doesn't hurt to dream about it, right?

[ninjabear]

Uh, Vala?

Have you read my poem?

Click over to "None but simple pleasures seek..." though that is not the title, per se; it has no title but if you could put one to it, I'd like to know.

[lucifer666 (deleted)]

I laugh at women's perspective on stuff like this and even some politically correct men or as alot call them 'the new age man'. The truth is women don't know what they want I agree with you Ninja when you say "Women say they want a dangerous man who is also sweet, kind and sensitive" its this kind of contradiction in a woman's psyche that I'm referring to and confuses the hell out of most men and even some women. I must confess I am not as hardcore as I may have suggested early as I was joking with alot of what I said, I really wouldn't be that cruel to a woman .......well only if she deserved it lol.
Most women do go for the bad boy because they are attracted by the danger element but as Valarules suggests that quickly disappears.......... but gets replaced by the challenge! The determination to change their man, yes most women do this! The women who go about trying to change the man into being this unrealistic perfect partner.

All messing aside Ninjabear you want my honest opinion ....well here it is - Your ex seemed to have serious issues due to perhaps past abusive boyfriends, she may even have had an abusive father, these things usually follow trends like that I don't know, what I do know however is your better off out of it, you obviously couldn't give her what she wanted and chances are in the long run she probably wouldn't be able to give you what you would want either. Its time to move on bud, there's plenty of fish in the sea just keep away from those fishies with knife marks all over them lol.

Perhaps Valarules there, the two of you seem to get on very well Ninjabear ...so why not????????

[padme_PREV (deleted)]

[deleted]

[rayman]

Well I learned a long time ago that being "a nice guy" doesn't work in dating or in a long-term relationship. I finally realized that being a challenge, keeping it light and funny on dates drew the attraction of women towards me. Now I'm not saying be a bad boy or player, you can still be a gentleman towards the ladies. You have to standout and be different than the other guys she has dated before. Just avoid at all costs the needy low self-esteem woman, if you meet one run for the hills.

[birdlady_PREV (deleted)]

I joined this, er, dating site and I use that term loosly, just to reply to this post! I clicked on a link and this discussion was the first one I saw...

I just broke up with a "nice" guy. Lesson in life #1: NICE != GOOD!
He was "nice" because he always said all the correct things "you always look good" and all that, but he was just LYING. Lying may be "nice" but do YOU want someone who always lies to you to make you feel good?
No, i do not like nice guys. For once, when I say "I think i'm getting fatter!" I want a guy to tell me "I think it's the chocolate ice cream!". I don't want to be criticized all the time -- but when I ask for information I want the information, not false platitudes! If you go to a doctor, don't you want him to say "you are getting cancer" rather than "oh, i'm sure you'll be healthy and happy your entire lone life!". No, when you ask for info, you want info, not lies!
And the worst thing is, after being "nice" for months and months "I like women how have curves" he said -- the truth comes out! I finally lost weight and he couldn't get his hands off me! and then he convinced me to buy junk food "It won't make you fat" he said, and when I got fat again (10 lb I'm talking about, i'm not a fatso yet) he gave his "You are always sexy" thing again but his hands and eyes told the truth!

Think about it, "nice" guys -- would YOU like to go with a girl who always said "No, dear, whatever YOU want" and then months later explodes with "but we never do anything I want!" and you're like "but you never told me what you want"! That's "nice".

Nice is for strangers! Nice means never talking about sex, politics, or religion to get along with people who you will never get close to. Nice is not the way to get to know a person

"Nice" is elevator music. "Nice" means don't feel anything, don't say anything, don't express anything, just get along and do the "right" things like some robot.

Also, It's much easier to say "oh, poor me, I was too nice" rather than remember those thigns you'd like to pretend you never said or did, and even if you said and did them, you like to pretend you (unlike her!) were justifed!

If women exist just to rip a man's heart out -- men exist just to stick their shaft in their hole BY ANY AND ALL MEANS NECESSARY. Every time I see teenage girls whine about "soul mates" i want to slap them: what they are really saying is "you must lie to me about having feelings to get what your body needs". I don't think men even HAVE hearts -- just egos they want women to massage!
And an EGO is something I will not stoop to rubbing. You see, I have one too! (I will only rub things I don't have )

My last "nice" boyfriend read like maybe 10 books in his entire life and he wanted me (a physics minor) to think that he was a sceintific genious becauase -- get this! -- he had a dream that he was in school an an angel came down and told him "gravity is because of speed" and he kept trying to convince me that speed and gravity are related. I told him "maybe acceleration". But really! He told me he wants a smart girl, but i learned the "smart" girl that he wants is one that thinks HE is smart, one that agress with him. I was more than happy to treat him like a musical genious -- he WAS very good with music -- but no, that's not enough for him. This illiterate wanted to me to admire his physics, too! He spent all of school rebelling against science, now he has a dream about an angel, and now I must admire him!
Now, having found me, who is a Good girl but NOT a Nice one, now he is probably going around remembering me thinking women are made to rip his heart out. He is probably telling someone how i shoot down his genious scientific theories!
I will never, ever, date an illiterate person again, no matter how intelligent they are in other way!

If you have a heart -- well prove it! Stop whining about yourself and how broken it is -- and go and HELP someone else. If your girl says "I'm fat, I"m going on a diet", then HELP her by buying a gym membership for the both of you -- do NOT buy her junk food and then cry about how ugly she is! All my girls does it eat, you say, boo hoo! Well, who got her the junk food when she's trying to diet! Who insisted on going to the restaurant?
Ok, my addiction is not food -- i'm not fat. I'm a computer game addict. But diet sabotage is a lot more common than the stuff my ex did with the video card and the NVN. He only did diet sabotage once -- that one time I lost 10lb.

But it seems to me that ALL MEN SABOTAGE THEIR WOMEN IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
Why? i know men don't want their chicks to be fat, or to be playing games all the time instead of having S-- like I was, so why, why, why, so so many men sabotage their own women!!!
MY ex styled himself a "nice" guy who thought that women were just out to break his heart, but when he dumped me (well, it was mutual, i started it. Don't ask.) he didn't cry.

For all his "i can never tell you how much you mean to me! I wish i can just express how i feel about you!" he never, ever, felt ANYTHING for me! All he REALLY cared about was his own feelings! He just wanted an audience for his romantic feelings -- even his love was about HIM and had NOTHING to do with me!

You want to show how much you care about a woman, try HELPING HER. Try figuring out who she is, what she wants, instead of thinking about YOU, what you want her to be. Show you care by helping her!
But oh, helping people isn't FUN is it? No! Whining about how nice and hurt you are, that's fun, especially if you are whining man-to-man and ignoring anything a woman says!

Why do you go to a dating site anyway and then ignore anything that women say? Why do men talk to each other on a dating site when there is a ratio of 3 men to 1 woman here, and when a woman talks to you, you just talk AROUND her as if she didn't exist? If that's how "nice" guys treat women, then man, I"m THROUGH with nice men.

[lucifer666 (deleted)]

Okay Ninjabear take the others advice go the nice guy /gentleman route and die alone or take my advice the next woman you get a little fancy for and you get that little feeling she's not happy and the break up imminent.........tie her to your bed posts. Yes she will be not be happy or thankful to begin with but she will learn gratitude and eventually come to love you particularly when you supply all the water and food ....it may take some time but don't get disheartened my friend it will happen you just need faith .....erm...... and a strong rope


Alright before all the ladies come on here to complain I'm only messing with you all, I really don't advocate binding up women ....well not when they don't want you doing it that is lol. Anyway I got to go now....... I've got to feed Jenny I met her yesterday ...nice girl ..... I think she liked my curry even though she spat it back out at me ....like I said Ninjabear never give up man lol

[ninjabear]

I have a vindictive imagination...

Sometimes I believe it was all just a twisted joke. Get past my defenses, convince me to lower my guard so she can pound a stick of dry ice into my chest; after she's pulled the rug out from under me, have a big laugh with her real friends...nah.

She's been in more than one serious motor-vehicle accident; maybe she's just a brain-damaged bimbo who just can't appreciate someone who cherished and respected her.

I keep going over the black box---trying to figure out where I went wrong. Usually doesn't take much to figure out (oh I should've done this, should not have done that, ect.) but for once, I can honestly say I did nothing so wrong that it should have cost me...but I do have a theory.

Pam's a good little church girl. She swore to me and to her god that she would never do what she has done but, because I was an agnostic, honestly believe she had become ashamed of me.
Now? Pam's convinced me that all religions are evil---except mabe wicca. (Any religion that promotes women dancing naked around a bonfire under a full moon can't be all bad.)

[ninjabear]

Okay one other thought before we move on; Lucifer666?
That's bold talk from someone hiding behind a cartoon image.
I'm not "going the nice guy route," but I'm not always a nice guy. I never joke about ping, unlawful restraint, or any of the other sinister things evil predators do; I suggest you refrain from doing so before someone takes you seriously.

Personally I'd rather "polish my own armor" than stain it with such...congratulations, my new friend, you've managed a first.

Words fail me.