Why can't people be honest

[kiraofborg_PREV (deleted)]

Question:

Why can't people be honest about what they want. If someone wants to have a good friend for sex, just say so and then there is no confussion. If all they want is friends with the occasional benefit then say so.

When people email me, not all of you, just be up front. If you want to have some kind of cyber relationship, call it what you will, internet S-- or whatever just tell me. I am a fun girl but if I am not interested I will tell you. People have asked me for my pictures, well guys and girls, you will only get what I get in my yahoo email, I am tired of sending my pictures to "friends" and not getting anything back.

I am here to meet good friends that like what I like. There are some very special people I have met here but they are straight forward and honest with me. Please quite playing games, unless its a game we all agree on.

Kira
Resistance is Futile

[shadownymph_PREV (deleted)]

It's the Internet. You build expectations, ideals that are not based in reality regardless of what is said. That and most people lie to themselves as much as they do other people.

I'm not trying to say that eveyone is like that. It's just... You chat with someone for a while before you send a pic, right? Yeah, you told them what you look like, but they still build a mental picture of what you "should" look like. *shrugs* Like me. I LOOK like a conservative do gooder most of the time. It doesn't help that I work in a library. Anyway, people chat with me and think I'm this crazy goth/punk chick who likes a good party. Well, inside I am that crazy goth/punk chick, the packaging just doesn't match

That and I find that if you are are really honest with yourself and others (too honest for your own good) it can be intimidating. *shrugs again* I don't know. I have lost a lot of "online" friends over the years once they see my pic, but I figure that is their problem

This is just my opinion. I've done a lot of chat online over the years and I study people a lot. But, this is just my opinion, not the truth for everyone.

[rayman]

People lie all the time, either to not hurt someone else's feelings, save their butts, have an agenda, or try to be someone they're not. It's human nature, and I think people lie more on the Internet. I mean a lady friend of mine has a profile on a good dating site and within 24 hours got a picture of a guy's ----- he sent by email, like that was supposed to impress her. When she's online most guys on instant messenger want cyber sex, that's about as honest and direct as you can go. Needless to say she was turned off by the whole online dating experience.

[shadownymph_PREV (deleted)]

rayman wrote: People lie all the time, either to not hurt someone else's feelings, save their butts, have an agenda, or try to be someone they're not. It's human nature, and I think people lie more on the Internet. I mean a lady friend of mine has a profile on a good dating site and within 24 hours got a picture of a guy's ----- he sent by email, like that was supposed to impress her. When she's online most guys on instant messenger want cyber sex, that's about as honest and direct as you can go. Needless to say she was turned off by the whole online dating experience.

This is too true. It's one of the reasons I don't chat as much as I used to. Now I read and post on forums and my messengers are set up to only receive messages from friends.

I can remember one time I was co-hosting an online radio show. I get this message for cyber and the guy won't back off and I mean it got so bad that I said no about 8 times before blocking messages from him. Irritating as all get out, but you gotta love the "block" feature on most systems

Not that I'm against online dating and cyber, just, get to know me, let me get to know you and we will see what happens, you know?

[zenmondo]

kiraofborg wrote: Question:

Why can't people be honest about what they want. If someone wants to have a good friend for sex, just say so and then there is no confussion. If all they want is friends with the occasional benefit then say so.



Well there is what one really wants, what they hope for, and what they can excpect to get. But I agree there is too much bull---- in the dating scene, especially trying to meet new people. Having to try to put your best foot forward and make some kind of impression over sites such as these.

Sure it would be better to just lay all your cards out on the table from the get go, but for many of us, its just a matter of prolonging the interaction before the (inevitable?) rejection.

Its tough to figure out if you are going to have any kind of chemistry, and going straight to "hey wanna boink?" is not usually the best strategy.

[ninjabear]

Everyone lies, for the same reason: fear.
I'm past fear, because I really don't care anymore; you like me or you don't.
Do I wants all da'wimmin? I'm a guy, work it out, I'll wait...
With one notable exception, I have not written a word of fiction since I joined this site. I owe it to my friends to be honest---without hurting anyone's feelings so dag-nabbit now I have to offer the truth, from my point of view, as diplomatically as possible, without using any words that our gracious hosts will censor (had a post altered once already, which is why I use bleep, dag-nabbit, gosh darn, boogers, et.al.).

The truth? You can't handle the---sorry, had a moment there but I'm okay now...

[twincarb]

As usual the Bear hits the nail square on, only one life, live it and try not to pi@@ off too many others on the way
Whats the point of tellin lies when you nearly always get found out, even online the truth is out th- opps bet that's copyrighted.

[ninjabear]

Hell I'm just not smart enough to lie, because they breed so damn fast and are too hard to keep track of; that's why I write my fiction, and offer it as such.
Even if no one catches you in a lie, you know you lied. I for one have a conscience, but I can understand some lies and let them pass, usually out of pity.
Some Russian whose name I can't spell once said, "Better 10,000 lies that exalt us, than one truth that brings us down." If that's all someone has to cling to, then let it be. I just try to be honest with that worn out, broken down old bear of a man who seems to live in my bathroom mirror...

[gremlinxavier]

I think a lot of lies stem from self-lies, basically not knowing what you yourself want and what you are willing to allow yourself to do. It's also one of those things that's so situational that it changes from moment to moment and most people are just not that self-aware.

Xavier

[ninjabear]

Okay, on the topic of honesty...
Forum Catagory: Star Trek
topic: Model Shipyard
I've been asking a simple poll question since the second week of May. Hundreds of people look, but to date there have only been seven votes and one of them is mine.
We're all dancing behind masks here; why not answer a simple, blind poll question?

[invisiblesteph]

To answer your question Ninja, I dont really care much for Models and I dont pay *that* much attention to the ships of Star Trek so I actually dont have a favourite... or even know what the different ship classes are... If you had added 'No idea' to the poll I would have happily voted for you. Maybe the others dont really know about that stuff either..?

Or maybe add some pictures and a brief description of each one so we can see what u mean.

[wintermute]

Probably because most people are very unfamiliar with the specific class types and models. You don't learn much about them in the series or movies so unless you read the books you are kind of in the dark.

[ninjabear]

Yes, I admit I did list them by class; that may have been a bit too "Trek geek" of me. So I have my answer and thank you all for your responses.
Chat amongst yourselves, I'll be over here kicking myself...

[fringey]

kiraofborg wrote: Question:

Why can't people be honest about what they want. If someone wants to have a good friend for sex, just say so and then there is no confussion. If all they want is friends with the occasional benefit then say so.

When people email me, not all of you, just be up front. If you want to have some kind of cyber relationship, call it what you will, internet S-- or whatever just tell me. I am a fun girl but if I am not interested I will tell you. People have asked me for my pictures, well guys and girls, you will only get what I get in my yahoo email, I am tired of sending my pictures to "friends" and not getting anything back.

I am here to meet good friends that like what I like. There are some very special people I have met here but they are straight forward and honest with me. Please quite playing games, unless its a game we all agree on.

Kira
Resistance is Futile

While your question is not funny, it does bring up how weird the internet is, and that IS funny. I had done some emails with a young lady a while back, and I had been very upfront and honest about myself. I told her I was fat, bald and middle-aged. At one point, she asked if I had a picture I could email her, which I didn't at the time. I asked why she wanted one, as this was a strictly friendship thing. She said, "You know how people can lie on the internet." I quickly wrote her back and said, "I definitely could have come up with a better lie than 'fat, bald, and middle-aged!'"

There is something about being behind the saftey of miles of fiber optics that leads people to think they can stretch the truth. But, I have always been one to know that, if it ever did come down to meeting someone I met on the internet, the lie would be exposed, so why bother?

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived."

[vixi]

This happened to me last week on another dating site. I started talking to this guy and things he said just never added up. I wish I knew why he did it, and I may never know, but I am sure he has his reasons. He just decided to not speak to me anymore after I was onto him. I have no hard feelings. I just wish people were as honest as I was.

Then in another case, last week also..this guy seemed genuinely interested in me and even saw my photo, but he wasted my time by finally telling me he wanted "exotic" women. I was born in Missouri, dunno how exotic that can get. Maybe he feared how a girl would view him? I am not sure..

I would prefer a man to say he is looking for something naughty rather than waste my time, because by the time I found out I would still not be interested in doing what he proposed anyway. LOL Seriously. I am not into the short term fun, but prolonging it by lying to me will still yield the same response. No.