April 4, 2006
|Posted: Post subject:
|Ah, but here's thing...you don't want to forget! You want to remember!!! Remember what it was about that person that made you love them in the first place. That way, you can look for the same things in someone else. Remember the things you enjoyed doing with them and remember the good times you had together. More importantly, remember the fact that you had that love, for no matter how brief a time. Too many people never have that. And, to be honest, you will never forget a great love.
But, just as importantly, you have to remember the bad times and the things that made you break apart. That prepares you for the future and helps you know what to look for the next time. You can avoid making the same mistakes again and learn how to build a strong, healthy relationship for the next time. It is important to unlearn things that have become a habit for you in relationships and remembering is what helps you to do that. I am sure everyone here has had at least one relationship go wrong that we really wanted to work. I know I have. Yet, I took what I could from those relationships and try to work with them in the next one.
I was once told the best way to improve yourself is to look at yourself honestly and make three lists:
1. What do you think is good that you don't want to change?
2. What do you think you should change and how do you change it?
3. What do you not like but know you can't change? How do you reconcile yourself to those things so it doesn't cause problems in the future?
This really does work. And I do it often, cause things change. No one is perfect, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to be perfect. Just remember that perfection is not stagnation. I know I am as "perfect" as I can be today, but I can try to be more "perfect" tomorrow. Does that mean I will ever be truly perfect? Nope. But, it does mean that I know I can be a better person every day as long as I work at it. And that, Andrew, is what "moving on" really is. Not finding another person, but finding a better person inside of yourself. When the right person comes along, they will see that better person and want to be closer to them.
Don't let the past run your life. Try to strive forward on your own. You already started this the day that your relationship ended. You kept getting up and going to work, eating, sleeping, etc. You are still living your life. Just do it with an eye to the fact that you can do it better all the time.
I am no relationship expert. If I was, I wouldn't have had so many bad ones in my past and I would not be here on Trek Passions, so take all of this with an eye to that truth. But, if anything I have said makes sense to you, please feel free to use it.
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived.