Is it even worth it?

[mnprogrock (deleted)]

I agree with Iswallowedabug in a lot of ways. Someone once told me part of being in a relationship is having differences. Ok, fine. But someone also told me one can't love another until they love themself. Ok, that makes sense too.

But to me, having to change myself would not be a way I would see loving myself. I may feel like I was changing myself to make someone like me. And that is totally not who I am.

So looking for someone who has common interests makes a lot of sense to me. I mean not EVERYTHING in common, but a fair amount..and probably a lifestyle. Because dating someone who causes me to change my lifestyle dramatically could feel like I was changing for them, not myself.

The last girl I dated this was the case. I was into seeing concerts and it seemed she wasn't too much.

I do miss the love and obviously the ----, however, I have learned that I would rather avoid the headache if I can. If that means droughts, I have survived this long.

Kyle

[ladyfluffstar (deleted)]

I'm only young, and happily married with two kids, and my sister in law is ten years older than me, and is single, having had two failed long term relationships, (spectacularly failed). We're both just as happy as each other with our lots.
I always think the best thing to do is stop looking for love and just enjoy yourself doing the things you do, you tend to find it's the love that cactches us by surprise that is the sweetest.

[kiraofborg_PREV (deleted)]

OK the title is extreme but its works. Have a good with being you and not worrying about what will happen or who will fall for you. In the most obscure places you can find happiness and if not, party naked

Love ya all,

Kira

[(deleted)]

I think if you are cautious and look around you can find another person for a soulmate. I haven't tried in a long time but am now thinking that I should try again. You seem to me to be a very young person and you will have a long time to. find that person. Don't give up and think that everyone is the same. I know people that have fallen into that trap and then never look for someone to be with and to love for the rest of their lives. Having a great companion is one of the most satisfying things in life. But it doesn't come naturally. You have to communicate with them and be honest with them from the start. If you stop communicating you have lost the relationship. S-- and love are definitely two different things. You can love someone and still hate them. Anyway I hope this helps.

[shadownymph_PREV (deleted)]

My life experiance has taught me the following:

1. Yes, you have to love yourself, but more importantly, LIKE yourself and be comfortable being with yourself.

2. Don't look for a relationship. It will happen if it is meant to. I don't mean don't date. More like date for the fun of it, not for the relationship.

3. Don't depend on a relationship to define WHO YOU ARE. There is you, him/her and we, not just him/her and we.

4. Differances can be a good thing, makes for adventure

5. Find your own "happy" 'cause no one can make you happy forever but YOU.

6. Be honest about what you want, not just with yourself, but with whoever you are taking the chance with.

I recently had a 2 1/2yr. relationship end. It was devestating when I thought that after that much time all he thougth I was worth was "friends with benifits" *shrug* I got past the sad, almost hit mad and talked to him. We worked it out, but still don't date and I'm OK with that. I want to be with someone, but it is not essential and I don't need someone so that I feel "whole" or fulfilled.

Anyway, just my thoughts on the subject. Love is a wonderful thing It just isn't everything.

[ninjabear]

Happiness is a by-product, generated by doing something else.
I can't tell you all, my new Internet Buh-dees, how much fun it is to share and flirt and fantasize and argue and commiserate with the lot of you.

Everyone I've met thus far has been my kind of people, and I thank you all.


but uh, me, party naked? No, I won't risk causing eye damage...

[iswallowedabug (deleted)]

ninjabear wrote: Happiness is a by-product, generated by doing something else.

Yikes. That makes happiness sound like an industrial pollutant or
the energy particles emitted during radioactive decay events.
Okay, granted, the destruction/damage that often follows periods
of intense happiness would fit well with that parallel, but I tend to
think of happiness more as a state of mind. Happiness is.

Alternatively, happiness is an empty cardboard box. Dogs, cats,
and toddlers everywhere cannot be wrong.

And for all the faults of the dystopian Alpha Complex, I believe they were
onto something with "Happiness is Mandatory." (ah, the joy of Paranoia)

[ninjabear]

I see no joy in paranoia, but I revel in the politics of dancing, the politics of oooh, feeling good---sorry, I had a disco moment; shan't happen again...much.

iswallowedabug...methinks you've swallowed something.
Happiness is not a natural state, nor should it be. For example building a model ship is quite challenging, irritating, sometimes frustrating and always expensive; but a 'yard assignment' completed, that did not exist before I took up tools and paints, time and effort...smug satisfaction is a good way to put it.
Staring at the picture on the box does not get the ship built; if happiness were free it would be valueless.

[iswallowedabug (deleted)]

ninjabear wrote: I see no joy in paranoia, but I revel in the politics of dancing, the politics of oooh, feeling good---sorry, I had a disco moment; shan't happen again...much.

iswallowedabug...methinks you've swallowed something.
Happiness is not a natural state, nor should it be. For example building a model ship is quite challenging, irritating, sometimes frustrating and always expensive; but a 'yard assignment' completed, that did not exist before I took up tools and paints, time and effort...smug satisfaction is a good way to put it.
Staring at the picture on the box does not get the ship built; if happiness were free it would be valueless.


So much to comment on, where to begin...

(1) "Paranoia" = RPG where everything is run by the Computer.
Happiness is Mandatory -- the Computer says so...

It's actually a wickedly clever game different from most other RPGs
because the players are supposed to work against each other and
betray each other, and it doesn't matter if you get killed off because
you get 6 clones total to play with. Plus, even if you have no one to
play with, the rulebook is entertaining enough even without playing.

(2) I'm not sure what you mean by "natural state." Happiness is
not a phase of matter like something being a solid, a liquid or
a gas, but it IS a state of being, not just a mood. Although it would
be interesting if it were a state of matter. Liquids can be supercooled
like glass, solids can sublimate, gasses expand to fill the space provided.
Just think of the physics and equations we could apply! The nerd
digresses....

(3) For many people, happniess is a natural state of being. For others,
misery is a natural state. For the former, no matter how much misery
and heartbreak life throws at them, they tend to bounce back quickly,
tend to come back to their baseline of being happy. For the latter,
no matter what great things occur, they tend to still be pretty
miserable. Why? Dopamine? Neuropeptides? Access to the
SciFi channel? Who knows? (not me). But for me, happiness
just is.

(4) Plenty of things that are free have immense value. The air
you breathe (which currently is not yet being taxed or charged to us
so far as I know) is crucial, vital, of immeasurable value. The random
smile on the face of a stranger. No cost, yet I find it of immense
value. Watching puppies play in the park. All kinds of corny yet
omnipresent things. Imagination itself. I don't want to invoke
Mastercard, but plenty of things that are free are also of immense
value or "priceless."

(5) There is no number five, but a list of four seems incomplete
and not shiny enough.

[ninjabear]

It's called a per capita tax; you pay just for being alive and breathing.
Anyone with a baseline of happiness needs to lay off the X-tabs, or whatever sort of brain damage they've done; "naturally happy" people are mentally deficient, self-medicating or blissfully ignorant. They need their faces rubbed in the dirt so they will stop contemplating their navels, get off their hippie (bleep)s, abandon the acid-dropping bubble they live in and join the rest of us in the real world.

[valarules (deleted)]

There are some people who are easy going or "naturally happy" as you put it. I'm one of them. I don't sweat the little stuff and as far as I know, my intelligence is normal and I'm a functioning member of society. True life sucks, but get over it. Not everyone needs to be whining about what's wrong with the world, there's plenty of wonderful stuff around you. Sure you need to look a bit to see it, but its there. Dating is one such thing. Yea it sucks to feel like your heart's been torn out of your chest and thrown onto the cold stone floor, but there's also that "lovey-dovey" feeling that you get when you're with that special someone and the sense of security that you feel when you hold each other's hand or cuddle next to a warm fire.

[fringey]

kiraofborg wrote: Hey everyone,

I am new to this site but I have to tell you, no matter what happens down the road it is always worth it. I hate to sound so cliche, but it really is better to love and lost then never loved at all. Heck, if you can't love, at least you can ---- for a long time till the end comes but have a good time because life is so unsure.

Look at my life for example. I have not been with a man in a very very very long time because I was hurt so bad and did not want to take a chance. I found this site by accident or fate, you decide, and through the magic of the web I have found some very sweet people who I hope want to get to know me better. I am willing to take a chance and this type of forum is even more dangerous because its all emotional till we can finally meet.

I say to all of you, take that chance, reach out for love or the ------- touch of another because as my name implies.

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE

A lot of folks in this thread have said some things that make a lot of sense, but I chose to reply to this one because it is closest to my own philosophy about life and love.

I have been burned more times than I care to think about. And I have hurt others, too. But, if you don't take the chance, you might miss exactly what you are looking for. The burns hurt badly at first, but they DO heal. And you learn from each bad experience what to look out for the next time. Not only that, it helps you to revise your "list" of the things you want in a person.

Yeah, I have a list, but I think I have learned enough in my four plus decades to know that a list isn't to be followed like laws. You have to be flexible enough to recognize that, sometimes the list isn't complete, unrealistic, or just plain flawed. You got to just keep it in the back of your head and explore your options!

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A Life lived without passion is a life not lived."

[iswallowedabug (deleted)]

ninjabear wrote: It's called a per capita tax; you pay just for being alive and breathing.
Anyone with a baseline of happiness needs to lay off the X-tabs, or whatever sort of brain damage they've done; "naturally happy" people are mentally deficient, self-medicating or blissfully ignorant. They need their faces rubbed in the dirt so they will stop contemplating their navels, get off their hippie (bleep)s, abandon the acid-dropping bubble they live in and join the rest of us in the real world.


"and I am only saying this because I care - there are a lot of
decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing."
- Chris Knight, "Real Genius"

[ninjabear]

Okay, let's see if I can nail this one from memory...
"If you can't take a nose now and then, you should run home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. There are treasures to sate appetites both subtle and gross, and terrors to freeze your soul...but it's not for the timid." Q

Valarules: If you're "naturally happy", how could you even ponder a question like "Is it even worth it?"
Personally I'm glad I don't live in some telletubby world, and I pity people who do. I don't need decaf any more than I needed the Prozac so don't go there...but where did Mr. Knight and the Dean get those cool slippers?

[valarules (deleted)]

No one's perfect, everyone has doubts about if they are ever going to find that "special someone". Even someone as "bubbly" as me gets depressed about all this crap called "dating" and "relationships".