Leap of Faith

[ninjabear]

I just fired off a forum post extolling my skills as a wordsmith...but then even Captain Kirk had his moments of doubt.
I've been thinking about something 'TV's Craig Ferguson' said the other night, "You can't have faith and certainty." As a Bipolar Bear I say yes Craig, yes I can...and I'm having another helping right now.
I have faith in nothing and no one. I have complete confidence in my creativity and wordsmithing skills but "Bones, what if I'm wrong?"
No one can tell you what you are.
You have to know in your heart, mind, body and soul that you are a master of your craft...but that poor wretch in the padded cell is utterly convinced he's Napoleon Bonaparte.
(Anyone else creeped out by the Nex-Gen episode "Frame of Mind"?)

[ninjabear]

This post will almost certainly offend some people, so reader ---------- is advised.

It takes a lot more than what most people are capable of to be my friend.
As a currently unmedicated, untreated bipolar bear I can be so blue I can't get out of bed. Chronic anxiety, irritability, paranoia or energetic irrationality are normal for me---you never know what's coming at you from one moment to the next, yet Pam always knew how to bring out the best in me.
Befriending someone like me rises to the level of missionary work, so there's no great surprise there have been no volunteers to take Pam's place.
Oh to be sure I have been looking, here and there, but I fault no one for being unequal to the task. Two years now with no one to give a Valentine to and even Bugger, my Trek Passions buddy, has given up on me...perhaps just as well.
Missionaries often prosletize, but what Pam and Captain Debbie put me through has driven me deeper into agnostic pessimism.

God offers nothing for something; at least with me you get your money's worth.

[ninjabear]

[deleted]

[ninjabear]

Everyone who knows me personally, knows I had to give up driving when I was pronounced legally blind. That means If I can't get there by bus, I don't go.
My family, friends, lovers, all chose to abandon me because it was too much like work to maintain a relationship with a half-blind, bipolar bear.
For years there were no cards, letters, phone calls or emails. No one dropped by to see if I needed anything or just visit.
Not even a birthday cupcake---but they can come barreling over on a b----ery Superbowl Sunday to pound relentlessly on my door. Since I chose to ignore them, they called my landlord for a maintenance guy to open the deadbolt and barge into my home...all so they could tell me my mother is dead.

I don't know what part of that is supposed to make sense---but I'll tell you the crazy part.
My whole family can got to Hell...but I miss (my previous X) Nicole.
Nicole used to bake raisin pie from scratch, just for me.
I love raisin pie...it was Mum's favorite, and she got me hooked on it.
I'd really like a slice of raisin pie right now.

[fringey]

ninjabear wrote: Everyone who knows me personally, knows I had to give up driving when I was pronounced legally blind. That means If I can't get there by bus, I don't go.
My family, friends, lovers, all chose to abandon me because it was too much like work to maintain a relationship with a half-blind, bipolar bear.
For years there were no cards, letters, phone calls or emails. No one dropped by to see if I needed anything or just visit.
Not even a birthday cupcake---but they can come barreling over on a b----ery Superbowl Sunday to pound relentlessly on my door. Since I chose to ignore them, they called my landlord for a maintenance guy to open the deadbolt and barge into my home...all so they could tell me my mother is dead.

I don't know what part of that is supposed to make sense---but I'll tell you the crazy part.
My whole family can got to Hell...but I miss (my previous X) Nicole.
Nicole used to bake raisin pie from scratch, just for me.
I love raisin pie...it was Mum's favorite, and she got me hooked on it.
I'd really like a slice of raisin pie right now.





Sorry to hear about your Mother. I lost my father a few years back and I know how hard that can be.

Patrick
a.k.a. Fringey, The Fringe Element
"A life lived without passion is a life not lived.

[ninjabear]

A 39-year-old, fat-assed former stripper drops dead and it's all over the news for days, probably weeks.
My mother worked as a registered nurse for over 30 years. All she ever did was survive multiple congestive failure heart atacks, open heart surgery and breast cancer, raise 5 children and just for fun, saved a few hundred lives...so where's the media coverage?

I tell you if there was a button in front of me marked Destroy Earth, right now I'd push it because humans don't deserve to continue as a species.

[ninjabear]

Mum is dead,
Pam is gone,
and I have failed in my mission.

At the risk of appearing cold and self-serving, in lieu of flowers I'd rather you went to my website and made a purchase.
If you do, you'll understand why---there it is, people, your very own Leap of Faith.

www.ninjabearpress.com

[ninjabear]

I'm still angry at Nicole (my previous x-girlfriend) for giving a cell phone in my name to her pothead little brother; he racked up most of the over $2,100 in cell phone charges.
I retaliated by giving the phone records to a police narcotics unit---and yes, my contribution became "actionable intel"...heh-heh-heh.

Which is why, when I got to my buddy's house for movie night, I was more than a little surprised to see Nicole in his kitchen---but that aroma is unmistakable...raisin pie.
She's a witch---yes a real, spell casting, potion-mixing witch with a knowledge of poisons nearly equal to my own...like I care.
That was last wednesday and I'm still here, damn it...but it was good pie.

[ninjabear]

Posting a URL within the forums area is against the rules.

[twincarb]

Bear, if your there sing out, no matter how bad things are carry on, if only to p*@s off the universe.

[ninjabear]

Sorry to keep you waiting...don't care for what they've done to the place either.

I've been busy.
Her name is Cindy---but this isn't the topic thread for this discussion.

...and, I'm, ready to take a chance again,
ready to put my love on the line
with you,
been living with nothing to show for it,
you get what you can when you go for it,
and I'm ready to take a chance again
with you...

[cooky37]

good for you bear! But you were missed

Will someone shut that man up
NEVER!